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John 14:27 Peace I leave with you;my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

I got pretty anxious from about 20-26 weeks.  I also was just running around really busy like I do at times trying to keep myself preoccupied, and afraid to stop a bit and really enjoy and find “hope” in this pregnancy in a sense.  I was just too scared, that my only coping mechanism, was just to try not to think too much about it, get through numerous anxious moments, and wake up each day and do it all over again.

Well, thanks to the passage of time, some good friends, and a little more calmness in the past 2 weeks in my work and daily schedules, I am finally allowing myself to slow down a bit, and feel true joy about the little baby girl growing inside of me!

But, time is moving fast, and I realized this weekend, that we really don’t have tons of it left!  Moving on into the 3rd Trimester, makes me realize, instead of dreading the worst to come, I better get ready because it is looking more likely that we are gonna get our precious dream, and realize I have lots of things to get done!

I had a sonogram today, and she had a bit of a growth spurt in the past 2 weeks, she is over 2lbs now, getting closer to 3! It is so wonderful seeing her pictures and getting that self assurance that she is alive and well and hearing the strong heartbeat.  I take daily lovenox shots to prevent blood clots, but aside from that little daily nuance, I feel very lucky that I have been able to feel very good and keep up with most of my normal routines.   It has been a very smooth pregnancy, and we feel so blessed thus far.

Well, thanks to encouragement from some friends, I have fun things to look forward to and have been trying more to enjoy this pregancy.   I finally allowed them to plan a couple showers, and started finally looking into planning a nursery and allowing myself to buy some things.   At first, it was a bit scary, overwhelming, and sad since I didn’t get to that point last time.  But, now that I have gotten started, it has brought great happiness, sunshine, and “hope” to my days, to allow myself to enjoy such things!

Well, I better get off the computer, because I don’t sleep as well these days, and I have realized late night computer use “wires” me a bit…and makes it even harder to settle down and get to sleep.

But, before I go, I wanted to announce that we have finally decided on a name.  This little angel continues to provide us so much “Hope” coming through the past and on to our future.  So, we look forward to meeting and introducing you all to…..

Hope Elise Martin

Elise is my sweet grandmother’s name

She brings hope to my life and joy to my heart everyday, and I look forward to all the hope she will bring to our lives in the future to come!

 Romans 8:24-25
For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not  hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Thanks so much for all of your continued prayers for our little one!

I never posted this post a couple weeks ago, because I lost a bunch of it when typing late at night, and never went back to it to finish, but I decided might be a good story to go ahead a post…

Written on Aug. 30, 2011: Well, I don’t really know where to begin, but here we are 24 weeks!  We are super excited to have made it this far with this little girl after all that we have been through.  But, will be honest this is a scary week for me!  I found out we had lost Lily for sure at 24 weeks on a Tuesday, so today brings back all those memories of that tough day in April of 2010. The great news is, I am sitting here at my computer today and I can feel this little girl kicking me like crazy alive and well! This seems to be a very active time for her, and it brings so much joy, as I was started to fill with worry earlier at work, wondering if I had felt her much today, but at work things are so busy, it is common not to be in tune with it as much.  It is so great to be home and relaxing and feeling her kick the fire out of me again!

I have to share a little confession, that yesterday this week got even more scarier and dramatic than I ever imagined or needed.  I am embarrassed to admit what I went through yesterday during this 24 week that I knew would be so full of nerves for me!  Well, yesterday at 6:30Am I took my dogs for a short walk around the neighborhood as I do many mornings.  We walk at a brisk pace, but nothing to speedy, and I am fine if we stop alot for them to smell all kinds of things along the way!  It is definitely not a “power walk” and much different from my days of hard core triathlon training!  Well, somehow, my dog Pancho pulled more inward towards me near a corner trying to get to the grass, and I stepped on his foot.  I stepped on it so hard, he wasn’t able to move stopping him right in front of me.  Needless to say, I tumbled right over him and fell down.  Thankfully, I fell on my side and shoulder, not at all on my belly.  But, I got so freaked out, my elbow was bleeding, and all I could think and pray about when I got up was that my baby would be ok.  I tried to think back on what had happened, but it all happened so suddenly, I wasn’t quite sure how it had all ended up with me on the ground.  I have run many many miles for 7 years with dogs and only had one other fall in the past 7 years when running with them, so I just couldn’t understand how I had lost my footing “just walking.”

I do hear that you lose a bit of balance and grace with pregnancy, but I was just “walking.”

Well, to make a long story short, I had to go in to labor and delivery and be monitored for a while.  It was a bit traumatic being back there, but I survived.  My favorite nurse and friend, who delivered Lily, greeted me, and that calmed me quite a bit.  Once we both knew the baby was ok, she gave me a bit of a hard time, which was great for getting me to relax a bit.  We decided that maybe 24 weeks is a good stopping point for me walking 2 dogs at the same time in the dark early mornings.

So, I definitely made this 24 weeks more eventful than planned, but so great that our little girl is doing well, and that we are all ok. And, this was a huge milestone for me mentally and emotionally just to make it this far and be past the 24 week, feels so great!!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But, take heart!  I have overcome the world”      (John 16:33)

Things are a bit hectic these days, but in a way, has been so good to keep myself busy.  I am at 22 weeks in my pregnancy with our sweet baby girl!  Yesterday, I had a sonogram and had  the opportunity to see her active and moving around.   I heard the sweet heart beat, and watched as they measured her from head to toe!  Praise God, all of her current measurements are “within normal limits.”  I found out about Lily’s loss at 24 weeks, so have been a bit nervous the past few weeks.  Thankfully, I have started feeling this little girl move around quite actively, which has helped calm my nerves that she is indeed alive and well!

I am a worrier by nature, it has been a spiritual and personal struggle of mine for years.  In some ways, I actually figured that I might be more of a wreck given my history at this point in this pregnancy.  Sometimes, I hear people say they are praying, or I sense peace come over me, and I know that it is only through God’s peace and much prayer, that I have made it this far without becoming a complete basket case.  I told a man at work a bit of my story today and mentioned I get a “little nervous.”  He wisely and simply stated something simlar to “Give it to God, and he will give you Peace.”  These simple words were enough to calm me for the rest of today, and tomorrow I must trust that God will bring more through his spirit or through others around me.  If I can focus just one day at a time, it is less overwhelming the remainder of the journey still to come!  I sometimes am hesitant to let myself feel joy or keep hope, but at other moments, I so realize God desires me to feel joy in the miracle of this new baby just as he delights in her.

I attended a women of faith conference in Atlanta with my mother this past weekend, and it was such great timing for me!  I heard encouraging uplifting words from so many wonderful women that have journeyed through so much, but have such amazing stories of faith and hope amidst the struggles they may have suffered.  I loved that they were real and honest, but also so light hearted and funny!  I laughed, I cried, and I worshipped to some great music!  I think my baby enjoyed the great music as well!  I was most excited to hear the story in person of Angie Smith, who also lost a baby girl shortly after birth.  She tells her story,  and shares her faith and struggles so beautifully.  I read a book of hers last year that was so helpful, “I will Carry You, the sacred dance of grief and joy.”  I loved her honesty and genuine character, she was real, and so uplifting in her faith, was wonderful!  I was sad I did not get to meet her at the book signing, because we had to leave to catch our plane, but hopefully I can at least send a note to let her know how much she encouraged me last year in my loss, and this year as I journey through another pregnancy!

The week before Atlanta, Ted & I were blessed to spend a great week in California, for a little “baby moon.”   I have been meaning to post some pictures and stories from our trip, so more still to come!  For now, off to sleep for me and baby!  Looking forward to hitting 23 weeks this Saturday!

God Bless,